Category: Blog

How do you know if the Path You’re On will lead you to your heart’s desire?

“Desire Path” is a term used in landscaping. It refers to a path created by people or animals walking regularly through an area. It’s a different path from the one that was planned and laid out. In this photo the planned path is off to the right. The Desire Path is roped off to try to give the newly planted grass a chance to grow.

Can you guess what’s gonna happen as soon as those ropes are removed? You got it – people are gonna walk that path again – because that’s the path they desire.

Why do people leave the nice, smooth, planned path and create a new one? Why not follow the plan and walk the path that experts spend time and money building?

The main reason is that the desire path is more direct. It will get you where you want to go faster.

Often the desire path is easier. It may not look that way from the outside, but it feels easier when you’re on it because it’s aligned with who you are.

A few common features of Desire Paths:

• They aren’t planned in advance.
• They’re created over time through repetition.
• It’s a natural instinct (intuition, desire) that drives people and animals to walk this way.
• Nobody is telling anyone they should do it.
• They’re not as fancy or proper as the planned path.
• They’re natural, organic and may change over time.

What has any of this got to do with you if you’re not a city planner or landscaper?

Most of us find ourselves walking the planned path for much of our lives. We get the education, the job, the house, the car, the clothes, the vacations, the partner, the life that others have determined to be the path. Usually, we’re not even aware that we’re doing it.

You and I have picked up messages over the years about how life should be lived. Those messages come from parents, relatives, neighbors, friends, religious leaders, companies and most definitely from social media. These messages have formed unconscious patterns that drive our thinking and actions.

Carl Jung wrote, “Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call if fate.”

Okay, cool. But how do you make the unconscious conscious?

Try this simple practice:

Notice any time you’re thinking, “I’ll be [fill in the blank] when…” For you, that blank could be, “happy, peaceful, lovable, successful…” Whatever fills your blank is your Desired State, and that acts as a carrot out in front of you, keeping you on the planned path. The path you think you should be on.  You stay on the path to get to the desired state… one day.

Maybe you’re getting an education in the field you think will pay the best because then you’ll feel secure. You’re working your ass off, always on the verge of burnout because once your business has reached a certain level, then you can relax. You’re looking for a mate who will make you feel lovable. If you’re on the planned path to feel secure, comfortable, peaceful, loved…

Then consider:

What might be a more direct path?

Like the Desire Paths created in cities and parks, your desire path can be found by listening to your intuition and taking a direct step towards what you most desire. Don’t wait to have the money, success, or mate that you think will give you what you want.

I’m not saying you should drop out of school, quit your job, empty your retirement investments or stop dating. Just stop expecting any of those things to truly satisfy you.

If you’re not even sure what it is you desire, this post can help you get clear.

I help clients get clear on their desires and then achieve them in direct ways that are authentic to them. From my years of experience with people from all different walks of life, I can assure you that what you really desire is already inside you. Let that desire guide your next step. It will lead you to your true self and your true path.

Feel free to share this with anyone who could use a nudge onto their own desire path.

Last weekend I was at a wedding in Sequoia National Park. It was full of music and colour and animal masks. The giggling groom in his purple suit and lavender mohawk set the merry tone. After the last child arrived on a fiberglass unicorn and the bride settled in next to her mate in a gorgeous white gown with a multi-coloured train, the officiant invited all of us to take a moment to become present. To ourselves and our surroundings.

I immediately felt what I was sitting on. As I did, my body relaxed into itself, fully supported by the bench beneath me, the friends around me,  and the trees surrounding us all. The moment I became aware of my body, I heard the birdsong enveloping us. A symphony had been playing all around me, but I’d not noticed until I stopped to become aware of myself. Now I could hear sounds within the sounds, rich and layered and soft at the same time.

I felt the evening air on my face and my silk shawl caressing my shoulders. My ribs moved out in every direction with my breath as I expanded through the quiet inside me.

It all took a minute. Maybe two. But everything changed in that short time. It’s an over-used and somewhat corny expression, but “time stood still”.

Before that shift in time, I’d been excited and happy and wondering what would come next, but I’d not been truly present to all that was happening around me and within me. By taking a moment to become aware, I slowed everything down. There was a shift from my experience before that moment and everything that came after.

We’re all so busy, connected, and distracted much of the time that it can feel like life is speeding by. The easiest way to slow down time and make more of it, is to simply become present. Any time.

Summer is a great time to do it.

If you want to make summer last longer this year, take a moment every day to become present.

• Step outside in the morning and feel the sun on your face.
• Walk barefoot on the grass and let it caress your toes.
• Listen to the sounds of birds singing, kids laughing or squirrels fighting.
• Look at your food before you eat it and give thanks to everyone and everything involved.
• Notice the changing position of the sunset each day. Watch it until it drops away.
• Taste that bite of peach like you’ve never tasted it before.
• Hug someone and feel your body breathe.
• Savour a kiss as if it’s a summer night and you have nowhere else to be.

Enjoy a moment everyday and summer will linger in your soul.

I’d love to hear how you slow time down and make summer last.

After years of drought, looking at parched landscapes and hiking barren mountains, we got rain.

Everything is lush and teeming with life. Landscapes are every shade of green and bursting with kaleidoscopes of colorful flowers. Water’s tumbling over rocks, down hills, creating creeks and pools where salamanders are busy making salamander babies.

Our once thirsty soil is vibrant and alive, expressing itself in full bloom.

What is your soul thirsting for? 

We all go through periods of drought at times. Life loses its luster and we feel kinda flat. We can even lose touch with our longing.

But like rain on California’s dry earth, there is something that would bring your soul back to life.

Give it to yourself.

The world wants you to bloom.

Feel free to share this with anyone who’s going through a dry time, and maybe find a way to be a cool drink of water to them.

I took this photo on a walk last week. It’s a field of California poppies that stretch as far as the eye can see.

I want to say a bit about being present, cause the command to “Be Present” is everywhere: On t-shirts, pillowcases, tattoos and Instagram posts about desert turtles.

Being present has become one more thing you gotta do and one more thing to feel bad about if you’re not doing it.

But it’s not about being present. (in my humble opinion)
If you’ve ever meditated you know it’s not about focusing on your breath, or mantra, or image, or sensation … and staying focused.

Meditation is about lovingly, gently, smilingly coming back to your breath or mantra or image or sensation… again and again, and again.

You don’t become present and stay that way (okay, some humans actually do. I certainly don’t). You are present and then you’re not. And you come back to being present again.

You’re brave and then you’re not. And you find a way to be brave again.

You’re kind, and funny, and quick, and thoughtful and fit and ambitious, and successful, and generous, and peaceful … and then you’re not.

The gift you give yourself and the world is to accept it all, just as you’d accept your mind wandering in meditation, and then gently come back, again and again, and again.

With love, Debra

There’s a simple ingredient I’ve been using in my life and sharing with clients. Here are some of the symptoms we’ve been experiencing when we use it:

• A deeper sense of peace.
• Heightened intuition.
• Greater connection with self and others.
• More creativity.
• Easier decision-making with greater clarity.

It’s the same ingredient you’ll find in abundance in art galleries.

It’s White Space.

It’s what draws attention to the art, allows us to really focus on it and feel its effect on us. I love to look across a nearly blank room, see a work of art and notice how my breathing changes. I love to discover the way it makes me feel.

If galleries crammed works of art together like wallpaper it could be more efficient, save time and money. Several shows could open at once. But it wouldn’t be nearly as effective.

Without white space, poems are just a jumble of words and music is just a wall of sounds. A conversation without white space is people talking at each other, but it’s not a dialogue.

When I left my first marriage I moved out of our home that I’d spent months renovating and into a small apartment with a mountain view. At first, I had only a foam mattress, linens, clothes, a pot, a bowl and a pair of chopsticks. There was nothing to sit on but the carpet, nothing to look at but the mountains and white walls. What I discovered was peace.

When my eyes looked around they could easily settle outdoors. When I ate I could feel the texture and weight of the clay bowl and wood chopsticks and taste each bite of food. That was my first experience of living with white space. I was very careful about everything I brought into my home, making sure it gave me joy and didn’t upset the balance of space. This was a beautiful contrast to my crazy busy world where I was booking meetings months in advance with little space in my day.

Now I consciously surround my days with white space. It elevates my life to a work of art.

Stress has become such a norm in many of our lives that we’re used to feeling tight and constricted. Even as we rush to fit in a yoga class we feel our tensions rise.

But I know that I’m not unique in my longing for white space. When I work with my clients they often use the word spacious to describe how they feel about the changes in their life. They experience more peace, tap into their creativity, feel better about themselves, enjoy relationships more and access their own unique greatness.

Sometimes the idea of white space is scary. You’ll be alone with yourself, your thoughts, fears and desires without distraction. Many people stay busy to avoid that. But you’ll find if you ease into adding white space a bit at a time and be gentle with yourself, you’re quite a wonderful person and more deserve to take up more space.

Here are a few simple ways to add white space and elevate your life to a work of art:

• Give yourself a 2 – 5 minute break before shifting from one project to another.
• Turn off all technology during meals.
• Go for a walk outside during your workday.
• Close your mouth and listen more in conversations.
• Close your eyes and taste your food.
• Set an alarm and meditate for just two minutes.
• Turn off all distractions and let yourself focus on a task for an hour.
• Create a simple ritual for morning or night that gives you a sense of space.
• Clear clutter in a part of your home until that space is a source of peace.

I’d love to hear how you’ve added white space to your life.

When you give a gift, really give it away.

Never give it with strings attached.

That expectation of something coming back in return will lead to disappointment.

Maybe even resentment.

It will definitely kill your joy.

When you give a gift… Let Go. Let Go. Let Go.

Your love will soar.

PS. The same thing goes for accepting gifts. Never take one with strings attached. It’s not really a gift.

You’re probably thinking you don’t need to hear one more thing about gratitude. Everywhere you turn people are telling you how important it is to be grateful. You get it. Thank you!

You probably know that being grateful won’t just make you feel better. It will impact others around you as well. It’ll improve your relationships. Boost your self-esteem as well as your physical and mental health.

So the more the better, right?

Well … yes … and … no.

Thinking about all the things you’re grateful for, and expressing your gratitude can do wonders for you. But I’ve noticed that we can treat gratitude the way we treat many things in life. We rush through it – stating all the things we’re grateful, racing to the end of the list. We jam gratitude into a practice because we think we should, and we do it without really experiencing it. Like “I love you”, we can say it without feeling it.

Maybe that’s not your experience, but if you’re curious whether less could be more for you, try these two different ways:

1. Gratitude of Many:

• Notice how you’re feeling right now and say three words that describe it.
• Now think of all the things you’re grateful for.
• Say them out loud if you can. (Otherwise make a list silently in your mind).
• Stop once you’ve listed all the things you can think of.
• Now notice how you feel. Use three words to describe it. 

You’ll probably notice a change in how you feel because gratitude opens your heart and gets you in touch with the love inside you.

2. One Gratitude:

• Notice how you’re feeling right now and say three words that describe it.
• Think of one thing you’re grateful for. JUST ONE.
• Have you got it? Can you see it in your mind?
• Say why you’re grateful for that.
• What difference does it make in your life? Be as explicit as you can.
• How does that difference make you feel? Feel it and describe it. (even if you just describe it silently in your mind)
• After you’ve done that, notice how you feel right now. 

For me, feeling the depth and breadth of just one thing for which I’m grateful easily shifts my energy, mood, and being in a profound way. I’m very interested to hear what works best for you.

If you liked the One Gratitude practice feel free to try it every night before you go to bed. It’s a simple way to ease into sleep.

I’ve just started sharing simple practices like this and others you won’t find here, on Instagram, so feel free to come join me over there.