Within Every Loss Lies Your Opportunity to Win.

I don’t watch the Academy Awards every year because they usually don’t hold my interest. But this year, recovering from a little surgery, I snuggled up on the couch with a friend, her dog, my man, and together we watched the spectacle.

And something happened that has never happened before. I’m sure you’ve heard about it, even if you didn’t see it….

LALA Land won the Oscar for Best Picture of the Year. And Then They Lost It.

But within that loss they had a win.

About 60 seconds after producer, Jordan Horowitz, gave his acceptance speech ~ one that encouraged others to use love to champion bold and diverse work that inspires us all towards joy, hope and empathy, he learned that a mistake had been made. His film had NOT won best picture. Moonlight had.

In less than a minute, the ultimate honor in his field was given and then taken away. Any of us in his situation, with millions of people watching, would have been shocked, confused, maybe a bit heartbroken and embarrassed. But as soon as he learned of the mistake he announced it to everyone, held up the card showing Moonlight had won and said, “I’m going to be really proud to hand this to my friends from Moonlight”.

That was the ultimate win of the night. 

Before he offered up his award so quickly and gracefully I had no idea who Jordan Horowitz was. But that moment of love was a true win, and made him memorable. I was glad Moonlight got the award. I loved that film and thought it more deserving. But the bigger winner in my heart was Jordan Horowitz.

All of us have losses. Few will be as public as this one. But many will be deeper:

  • You may lose your job and not know how you’ll support your family.
  • You may lose a loved one and not know how your heart will ever heal.
  • You may lose your civil liberties under a repressive government.
  • You may lose a chance to achieve your dream and believe it’s too late.
  • You may hurt someone’s feelings and lose their trust and respect.

I can see how sickness led to a new richer life. I can see how a failed business led me to finding a more fulfilling way to give. I can see how the loss of my first marriage helped me discover who I really am.

Sometimes we can’t see the win within the loss. We are only focused on the loss. We can’t know what would have happened if we’d “won”. We just assume it would have been better.

When you face loss now, you can choose to win by responding with love:

  • You can be afraid, and turn towards love anyway.
  • You can grieve, and feel your love along side it.
  • You can still love your dreams, and nurture them in a new way.
  • You can feel hopeless, and then unite with others to fight lovingly for freedom.
  • You can feel ashamed of hurting someone you care about, then come back to love, forgive yourself, apologize and make amends.

What loss are you experiencing now?  In there lies your opportunity to win. Find it.

For simple practices to live the love that is always inside you, check out my new book: The Power of Pleasure.

Join The 30 Day Love Explosion

It’s Simple. It’s Deep.

And it’s completely Free

just like LOVE itself.

There are 4 Easy Steps:

1) Pick one person to focus on during the month of June. Just one. It could be your partner, parent, child, sibling, best friend, or even someone you’re struggling with.

2) Beginning JUNE 1st you’re going to tell that person one reason you love them*. You’re going to be specific. Then every day for 30 days you’ll give a unique reason you love them. No repeats. I call these Love Bombs.

3) This means you’re going to have to pay attention to them, and your feelings. You’ll probably start with the obvious and then notice things you’ve been taking for granted. You may have to draw on memories to rekindle something that’s been lost.

4) Express it any way you want. Say it, text it, leave love notes, get it tattooed on your body, use sign language, spell it in sprinkles on a cake…. get creative. Or keep it simple. Doing it daily is all that matters.

*If you choose a co-worker or your bus driver or the guy who walks your pet lizard it may be totally weird to say “love”.  No problem. Say “appreciate, admire, respect, enjoy, am in awe of…” There are so many to express love.

Here’s the best part. The more you give love the more you get. Just by feeling and expressing the love you have for someone, you reap the benefits. It will increase your dopamine and oxytocin, and decrease your stress hormones. It can lower your blood pressure, help you sleep better, reduce your cravings for sugar, enhance your creativity, and even help you lose weight. And it can make you feel more generous and grateful.
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