Everything was perfect.
He arrived exactly when he said he would.
He lifted her bike onto the roof of his car, and deftly secured it in place.
They drove out of the city, the sun rising between apartments, above houses, then over the fields.
An hour later they arrived.
He unloaded the bikes and they were off.
They rode through the trails until they reached the lake.
No one else was around.
A picnic brunch, including champagne.
Long talks, laughter, and a languid drive home.
He hadn’t raised the bar on first dates. He’d captured the bar and totally demolished it.
She sent a heart-felt thank you text shortly after getting home. and then…
Not a word.
So, she found herself…..
Waiting. And Waiting. And Waiting.
Not just that day, but the next day, and the one after that.
By the time we had our coaching call, she’d been waiting for days.
I asked her what else she’d been doing. NOTHING, she said. Which wasn’t totally true. She’d gone to work, cleaned her apartment, practiced yoga, made meals, eaten them, run with a buddy, showered and slept a few times, and told the story to some close friends. But she was just going through the motions, as if in a dream. Her life was a watery background to the waiting.
Waiting was consuming her like a disease.
I encouraged her to feel her feelings. There were many, hiding behind the confusion of trying to figure out what was happening, and what went wrong. And then I told her to STOP WAITING!!!
Waiting can be torture.
Whether you’re waiting for the bus, a call after the interview, the test results for that mysterious lump, the snow to thaw, or your friend who’s always late ~ waiting has a way of messing with your mind.
You give power to whatever you’re waiting for, and let it control how you feel.
You treat some imagined future moment as better, or more important, than the one you’re experiencing now.
You put your life on hold (for a few minutes or years), going through the motions, until that thing finally happens.
But here’s how waiting can work for you ~
Make a decision to Never Wait Again.
Next time you notice you’re waiting – for the coffee to brew, the line to move, or your kid to come home from the party – let that nudge you to come back from your thoughts into where you really are. Notice what you’re doing and give yourself to it fully.
Feel the cup in your hand, the sun on your face, the shower water hitting your body. Close your eyes and taste the food in your mouth. Let your eyes look around, and notice where you are. Even if you’re checking up on whatever you’re waiting for, bring all your attention to what you’re doing right now.
If thoughts keep pulling you in the imaginary world of waiting, try this to come back to what’s real:
- Slow down whatever you’re doing so that you can feel it fully.
- Notice your breath moving in and out of your body.
- Feel your feet touching the floor, if you’re standing.
When you bring your attention to where you’re at in this moment, waiting dissolves into the background.
Bring yourself back to right now every time you notice you’re waiting, and you’ll eventually access the state of peace that’s underneath. It’s always there, like the sun hiding behind the clouds.
Try a NO WAITING EXPERIMENT for the next 30 days.
Every time you catch yourself saying or thinking “I’m waiting for…”, bring yourself completely back to what you’re doing here and now. The 3 simple steps above can help.
PS. She stopped waiting. She got back into her life, her relationships, and her work. She let herself grieve – the loss of the future she’d created with him in her mind. She began appreciating all that she had and let herself enjoy it. She even appreciated the perfection of that date and let it go. He never got back to her. It would have been a long wait.
My e-book is full of simple practices to connect you to the pleasure of being present in your life.
It will be here soon.
You don’t have to wait.
I’ll let you know when it’s ready.