New Year’s Resolution

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Do you love the possibilities each New Year brings?

If so, it’s because it resonates with your limitless self. That expansive essence of you that is the source of all possibilities. Yippeee 🙂

If not, it’s because you’ve experienced enough unfulfilled resolutions already. Meh 🙁

The positive potential inspires many of us to create a New Year’s resolution. But how many times have you resolved to make a profound change January 1, only to find that you’ve forgotten what it was, come June?

If that’s been your experience, don’t feel bad. That’s how it is for most of us.

92% of people who make a New Year’s resolution fail to stick with it. They begin full of anticipation and expectation that this year will be better than the last. They commit to creating the change they want in their lives. But the odds of them sticking with their resolution are about the same as beating the house in Vegas.

In many cases your chances of winning in Vegas are better. I’m not exaggerating.

With these Seven Steps you’ll join the RARE 8% and ROCK YOUR RESOLUTION:

1. DECIDE what you want, by FEELING what it will give you.

Knowledge doesn’t motivate change. You already know that eating healthy, staying hydrating, getting enough sleep and exercise would exponentially improve your life, but do you always do it?
Feelings motivate change. Everything you do is consciously or unconsciously motivated by how you want to feel. Imagine you’re successfully living out this resolution and notice how it feels.
Forget about what you should do. Focus on what you want to do.

2. CHOOSE A DAILY ACTION that would give you the results you want.

Resolutions often focus on the result: I’m going to lose 5 lbs. Get in Shape. Start my own business. Be more peaceful. These are great goals, but they won’t direct your daily actions.
Determine ONE ACTION, that if done daily, would give you the result you want.
You may already know what that is. Most of us do. But we bury it under an ever-growing list of other things we need to do first.
If the answer doesn’t come to you right away, spend a bit of quiet time asking what the one thing is. It will come to you.

3. MAKE IT SIMPLE AND SPECIFIC

You’ll know it’s specific and simple enough if you can do it every day NO MATTER WHAT.
Example: Rather than committing to doing yoga every day, the simple and specific version could be: “I will do at least 4 asanas every day” or “I will do at least 3 minutes of yoga every day”.
It’s tempting to make a bold commitment, but you’re setting yourself up for success if you under-commit and over-deliver.
You can always do more than you’ve committed to, but you’ve made it easy to do what you said you’d do.

4. COMMIT 100% TO DOING IT EVERY SINGLE DAY.

This is why you’re making it as simple as possible. You have to be able to do it every day. No matter what.
You can do more than you’ve committed to any time you want.
If you’re commitment isn’t for every day, commit solidly to the days you’re going to do it.

5. FIND A CUE

We are all creatures of habit, and our habits are cued by things that come before them.
That’s why people who give up smoking find it harder when they have a coffee or a drink. The drink cues the habit to light up a cigarette.
Create a cue for your habit so you’ll be reminded of it every day.
In the example of yoga, you could roll out your yoga mat every night so you’ll see it when you wake up.

6. RECORD YOUR PROGRESS.

Make it a simple process of recording that you did the action you committed to.
You’re more likely to stick with it when you track your progress.
It can be as simple as checking a box on your calendar. Or writing a sentence in a journal.
You may want to report your progress to a friend, or group of friends, and stay accountable to each other.

7. CLIMB BACK ON AS SOON AS YOU FALL OFF.

Even with commitment, cues, and a buddy system, you may find that you just blow it one day.
As soon as that happens, get back at it the very next day.
As a girl who fell off a horse at a young age, I can tell you I wish someone had made me get right back on.

Most of your life is lived by habits. You’d go crazy if you had to decide everything every day: should I eat breakfast at home or out? what should I eat? should I brush my teeth? should I flush the toilet? should I wash my hands? should I dry them? what route should I take to work? what should I wear to bed? which side should I sleep on? Your brain goes on automatic for most tasks, to free up your energy for more creative endeavors.

Your habits determine the quality of your life.

By consciously repeating new activities that will become unconscious habits over time, you’re creating the life you want. Research shows that when you master one new healthy habit, it leads to more and more healthy habits.

So choose one new simple habit as a resolution, follow the seven steps, and enjoy your life in the 8%.

Have a great holiday and a wonderful new year.

Love Debra.

Could this be the Year of Radical Self Care?

When I say self-care I’m not referring to booking that annual physical, getting regular massages or even eating a cleaner diet, though all of those are good things.

I’m talking about a systemic change to your operating system. That’s what makes it radical.

Radical |ˈradikəl|
adjective:
1. relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something.
2. thorough and intended to be completely curative.
3. characterized by departure from tradition.

Radical self care would be first of all getting to know your own wants and needs. Feel into what you might want and explore through trial and error what works for you and what doesn’t. This will take time, and curiosity and vulnerability. That may seem like a tall order but I can assure you the rewards to yourself and others will be exponential. (Not at first, but eventually)

Few of us were taught how to really care for ourselves. We know how to get along, be successful in the world, and we have ideas about sleep and diet and exercise. But did anyone teach you how to truly care for your body and soul?

Do you know how to hear the soft voice inside guiding you to your heart’s deepest desire?
Can you feel the gentle prodding of your body, directing your actions to get you there?
Can you intuit in each moment how to move, eat, drink, and be still in ways that heal your life and the planet?

Living this way probably sounds selfish, even narcissistic, but you’ll find if you explore it you’ll be kinder, more compassionate and generous with the world.

Here’s why:

I must have seen those airplane videos on how to act in an emergency over 100 times, and every time I’ve thought the same thing.

Nobody’s going to be that calm if the plane’s really going down.
It goes against everything in my nature to put on my own oxygen mask before putting in on someone in need.

I lived most of my life putting oxygen masks on everyone around me. I was good at it. I got a lot of satisfaction from it. I formed a whole sense of value from being of service. And then I ran out of oxygen. I had to learn a whole new way to be in the world. Those airplane videos were right. Without putting our masks on first we can’t really take care of anyone else. At least not for long.

My case is pretty extreme, so perhaps you can’t relate to it. But I’ll bet there are ways you’re taking care of others before considering your own needs ~ to be a good parent, friend, employee, boss, spouse, sister…. but putting others needs first habitually not only hurts you, it hurts those who love you.

When you don’t take care of your own needs, you’ll unconsciously look to others to take care of you. We all have needs that must be met. You’ll look to fulfill them in ways that you may not even see happening. When your needs and desires go unmet for too long, you can become resentful, jealous, short tempered. When you are hard on yourself you are hard on others.

If you really want to be loving, generous and compassionate, be that way with yourself first.

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You can’t give others what you don’t have. So begin by getting to know what it is you really want and need, not in the grand scheme of life, but in each moment as you live it. That will require listening to your body, creating enough quiet for that voice inside you to be heard, clearing some space to do things you’ve been putting off in – that includes space to do nothing. You may find you need more time alone, movement, play, laughs, challenges, rest, sunshine, water, sex, deep conversations, fat in your diet…. you’re unique and so are your needs.

It’s taken me years to discover what I truly want and need. It’s been a radical shift in my way of being and I continue to evolve and learn. I’ve had to re-educate people who I had previously trained to expect more of me than I could actually give. You may have to do the same thing. This may help.

Over the holidays I’m staying with a friend to help her recover from surgery. I have one role here ~ Take care of her. It would be easy to fall into old patterns and knock myself out caring for someone who really needs it. Instead, it’s a joy. I feel like I’m on a retreat because I’m taking care of myself by getting lots of sleep, spending time alone, visiting with my husband, meditating, doing yoga, writing, moving, and taking naps. When it’s time to care for her it comes from a very full place. It’s a joy to go to the market, make her meals, clean up and take her to doctor’s visits. My oxygen mask is on and I’m taking deep breaths from it, so I have lots to give.

Let This be Your Year of Radical Self Care.

If you want some help figuring out what matters most to you, take my Free Masterclass here.

Tag: New Year’s Resolution

How to Rock Your New Year’s Resolution.