Blog – Page 10 – Debra Joy

Drop a Love Bomb and Feel Better

Want a good reason to Drop a Love Bomb today?

Do it for your brain! and not just your brain… do it for every cell in your body. Love will change you from the inside.

For days you’ve been paying attention to one person with the intention of remembering or discovering something you love about them. Feeling that love. Then expressing it to them. I told you this would benefit you. Maybe you’re noticing that. Maybe not yet. But here’s some of what’s going on. You are changing your brain.

Neural pathways are routes of communication in your body. As you learned throughout your life, certain pathways became well developed. These neural pathways became the roadmap of how you think and behave.

Imagine that for many years you’ve been walking a path from your house to your friend’s house. With all the wear and tear over time this path has become wide and flat and easy to walk. You’ve traveled back and forth for so long that you no longer think about it. It’s automatic ~ A habit. A neural pathway is like that path.

By practicing the 30 Day Love Explosion you are forming a new habit, developing new neural pathways. It’s like taking a new path to your friend. It’s through a beautiful forest, full of lush plants, and gorgeous fragrant flowers. It’s a much more enjoyable path. But there’s resistance. You need to cut the path, you’re not totally sure of it yet. It’s not as fast as the old route. But over time as you keep walking this new path, your resistance will fade, the path will become clearer and easier to walk. Eventually it will become automatic and voila – you’ve got a new habit.

Your new habit is love, and love creates a chemical change in your body. By deliberately paying attention each day to what you love about the person you chose, you are developing neural pathways in your brain that are feeding your cells with dopamine, seratonin, oxytocin and more of the yummy love chemicals that make you feel so dang good!

So if you’ve been feeling good during the 30 Day Love Explosion now you know why.

Some of you may be wondering “If it feels so good, why am I not doing it daily? Why do I forget? How come I find excuses not to?”

Good questions. Just like cutting a new path through a beautiful forest is more work than walking along the old path you are use to, your cells are use to the old well-worn neuropathways. Even if those old pathways are feeding your cells stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, your cells have become use to them and will get their information from these well developed pathways out of “habit”. It’s easier. It’s the equivalent of walking to your friend’s house on the old familiar path before you even realize you’re on it.

It takes deliberate practice to stay on this new path. So, don’t beat yourself up if you forget some days. Don’t worry if you feel resistance to this new way. Stick with it. Practice it deliberately.

Know that you’re practicing a new habit that creates love pathways in your brain and feeds your cells with feel-good chemicals. You really are doing this for yourself.

Here’s to you and your daily practice. Bombs Away!!!

A keepsake of The 30 Day Love Explosion

Save Your Love Bombs

My first idea for you comes from my friend Anne who wrote to me saying that she chose her teenage daughter Vanessa, but since she’s a teenager going through all that tough stuff teenage girls go through, not the least of which is the need to pull away from their mothers, Anne felt that love bombing her every day with something specific might actually annoy Vanessa. (I remember being a teenager. She’s probably right!) And the last thing Anne wants is push her daughter away. So, what’s a mom to do?

I recommended that Anne write something she’d like to say to Vanessa every day. She could write it in a journal or just on slips of paper that she keeps in an envelope, a box, or a jar. Then in a few months time, when Vanessa leaves for college she can slip it into her luggage, or mail it with a care package. That way, when she’s thousands of miles from home and in need of mom’s love, she can read the notes ~ Savouring them one a day, or binging on them all at once.

Don’t let someone’s resistance to receiving, block your desire to give love

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So thanks to Anne, I came up with an idea for you: (and you don’t need to be dealing with a sensitive teenager to use it)

During the 30 days of June: As well as telling your person 30 things you love about them, write down what you say each day on a slip of paper and keep it in a jar. Keep the jar to yourself.
At the end of the month: give your person the jar full of your little love notes.
They can keep it somewhere they’ll see it regularly to remember the many ways you love them.
In the future they can pull a random note out every day and let the love bombs continue.

What are some of your ideas for the 30 day love explosion? Please share them in the comments.

Love Debra

*All names have been changed to protect the love.

Pay Love Forward

Let me be clear about one thing:
The person you choose to love bomb during The 30 Day Love Explosion does NOT need to choose you!!!

I just learned that some of you want to do this but the person you chose isn’t sure about this whole whacky idea, so they don’t want to commit.

That’s perfectly fine. Love Bomb them anyway.

I never meant for this to be reciprocal, though it may be that way for some of you. The idea of this is to Pay Love Forward. You are doing this for the person you choose with nothing expected in return. You’ll find that you’re also doing it for yourself. By feeling and expressing love, you’ll experience more love in your life.

It may not come from the person you have chosen. That’s perfectly alright. You’ll be tapping into the love that is already inside you. You’ll experience more of the truth that ~ You Are Love.

Pay close attention to the person you’ll be love bombing, look for the many reasons you love them.

Also, pay attention to yourself. What do you notice about yourself, as you pay love forward? It may be wonderful. It may not all be pretty. If you can remain curious and loving with yourself it may teach you much about the person who needs your love more than anyone else – You!

What if it’s not Love?

So you’ve decided to join The 30 Day Love Explosion.

You’re excited about what you will experience and learn. Rev your Engine!
You’re thinking about specific things you want to share. Vroom Vroom!
You’ve chosen the person. Full Throttle!
But….. Slam on the Breaks!!!!!…..you don’t actually LOVE them.

Perhaps, rather than choosing an easy relationship you’ve chosen a difficult one. Instead of someone you love dearly, you’re going for the extra credit and picked a person you struggle with; your know-it-all neighbour, your irritating boss, or your bad-breathed prison cell mate. You just know in your cells that it would be great to change your focus from what you don’t like about this person to what you do like, but LOVE??? Really… that’s going a bit too far. How about this?

Try Appreciating them. It’s the same vibe as love, just in a different place on the continuum. So go ahead and drop an Appreciation Bomb. Or Respect Bomb. Or Like Bomb. For 30 days. Starting June 1st.

Start with that. You may find you move along the continuum and eventually find yourself closer to LOVE.

Who to Choose for The 30 Day Love Explosion?

How do you choose the right person for The 30 Day Love Explosion?

That question assumes you could choose the wrong person to Love Bomb for the month of June. And I don’t think that’s true.

1) You may choose the person closest to you. The person you love the most, feel best about, and already shower with love. Anything wrong with? Nope. Not at all.

In the days when I managed lots of staff I made sure everyone had the same basic training, but once I discovered someone’s natural talents and interests I focused on that. I went the extra mile with them in the field of their strengths and desires. If a staff member delighted customers and generated more sales than others, I got them extra sales training. If someone was a wizard with numbers, organization or layout and design, I supported those skills and interests. I saw that by giving more attention to the areas where staff were naturally skilled and interested they improved exponentially.

I provided the same basic training to everyone, but trying to turn a numbers person into my top sales person was never going to give me the same payback as supporting my sales people to really rock my customers’ world. Later in life I learned that this approach has a name. It’s called the 80/20 rule. So, if you focus your love on the person you love the most you are likely to experience exponential rewards.

Those little daily love bombs, dropped into an already soaring relationship, can blow it into the stratosphere.

2) You may choose a person you struggle with. That person you care about, who rattles your cage and triggers your emotions. Any good reason to pour your love into a struggle? Sure there is.

When a relationship rattles you it brings stress in your life. And stress gets in the way of you being your best. Since it’s not your job to change the other person, and it’s a total waste of your time, you might as well focus on yourself. By noticing one thing you love about this person every day you’ll focus less on the aspects that trigger you.

Often the person who triggers you is reflecting something back to you that you don’t like about yourself. They may be saying the same things your own internal critic tells you. They may be doing something you wish you had the courage to do, or something you wish you would stop doing. Often the person who bugs you the most has something to teach you about yourself.

By finding 30 things you love about them, you may discover new things you love about yourself, and that can quiet your inner critic and give you the courage to become the person you are meant to be.

The person you choose for #the30dayloveexplosion is the right person!

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Five Reasons to Join The 30 Day Love Explosion

Why Be Specific? The 30 Day Love Explosion

If you eat your favourite food, wear your favourite outfit and re-read your favourite book every single day it’s going to get a little boring. You’re going to stop tasting all the intricate delicious flavours, appreciating the colours and fabrics, and being delighted by the twists and turns of the story.

Well, it can be the same with I LOVE YOU.

Hearing I LOVE YOU can make us feel good but if it’s said all the time in the same way it can get a little flat. That’s why during The 30 Love Explosion you’re going to get really specific with what it is you love. Once you’ve chosen the person you’re going to Love Bomb every day for the month of June, you can start paying attention to what it is you love about them. The things you love can be simple, outrageous, things you never noticed before, things you’ve been taking for granted for years…

I love your laugh. Your eyes light up when you do that. It makes me smile.
I love that you always offer to do the dishes when you eat at my house.
I love that you’ve been putting the toilet seat down for 25 years. I especially love it late at night when I would otherwise be falling into a bowl of cold water.
I love the way you listen to me without interrupting. It helps me take the time to connect with my own thoughts.
I love that you do the driving. I can just relax and enjoy the ride.
I love that you take such good care of yourself. Your health inspires me.
I love that you are passionate about your work. I enjoy seeing you happy.

We are often quick to criticize and it can be easy to get specific about what is bugging us. This is a chance to turn that habit on it’s head and be quick to appreciate.

Back when I use to manage lots of staff I felt the best way to support them was to catch em in the act of doing something great and give immediate feedback. I tried to always be specific.

If a new staff member was just learning the ropes and had a great exchange with a client I could just say “well done” or “good job” and they probably would have felt pretty good. Instead I would tell them the specific things they did well. “You asked great questions to find out more about her problem before offering a solution. And then when you offered solutions you did a wonderful job of tying it right back to the problems she stated. You did a great job!”

With that kind of feedback my staff knew that I cared enough to pay close attention and take the time to give detailed feedback. It was more work for me, but it was deeply satisfying. I felt that my job was to focus on my staff so that they could focus on the customer. And this immediate positive feedback ensured they knew they were appreciated.

The 30 Day Love Explosion invites you to do the same – pay close attention to one person, catch em in the act of doing something you love, and tell them.

Why Just One? The 30 Day Love Explosion

If you’ve signed up for The 30 Day Love Explosion you may be thinking of a number of people you’d like to Love Bomb all month. But I strongly recommend you choose JUST ONE.

If you’re like most people you’re already being pulled in too many directions, you’ve got too much on your plate and there often aren’t enough hours in the day to do what you want to do. Hey, life is complex.

This is Simple.

Choose just one. For 30 days you’re going to be focusing your attention on that one person. And great things happen when you pay attention. You’ll be noticing the things they do and the ways they are that you really love and appreciate. You’ll be noticing how their ways make you feel, and you’ll be expressing it daily. By keeping it to one person you set yourself up for success.

Keeping your commitments simple and doable you can achieve an awful lot.

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You’ll be amazed at what this simple focused act will bring to your life. More on that later….

So, who you gonna choose?

Do It Now

Several years ago my husband and I were talking about our dreams. One thing he’d wanted to do for years was create a film school for at-risk kids in South Central LA. He wanted to help them find their voice and tell their stories in a safe and supportive environment ~ a creative and expressive alternative to gangs.

But he was waiting. Waiting until he’d made it. He had his own criteria for made it; projects being developed, a certain income being achieved, a degree of white space in his calendar. He believed that then he’d have the time and resources to pour his heart into this project.

So I asked what any encouraging, supportive wife would ask: “What if you never make it?”

Silence.

“Seriously,” I continued. “Don’t wait. Just start the film school now.”

There were all sorts of reasons to wait, but an even bigger reason to just do it ~ His heart was in it. He was motivated by love.

So he did it. In 2007 he launched the Urban Oasis Film Academy. HBO stepped up with funding. He found the energy. For months at a time he would spend 12 – 15 hours every Saturday and Sunday teaching these kids, feeding them and then driving them home in small groups in our little convertible.

Since then about 100 young people have been through the program. It’s made a big difference in the lives of some of these kids, given them direction, and made them feel cared for. Some have even gone on to college or work in the film industry. I don’t know the impact it’s had on everyone involved, but I know what it’s done for my husband. It’s been an outlet for his love and passion that he otherwise would have been waiting to give. Waiting until he’d made it.

Here’s what it did for one young woman:

Stop waiting until you’ve achieved your goals to follow your heart’s desire.

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I hear clients say: “When I’ve got reached my financial goals I’ll feel secure enough to focus on my art.” “When I’ve got the right partner I’ll travel the world.” “When I’ve lost 30 pounds I’ll feel good about myself”.

This is the hard way, pursuing one thing to achieve another. It’s full of distractions, and may not get you where you want to go.

Take the simple & direct path ~ do that thing you want to do right now.
That thing you keep putting off until…..you’ve made it.